Starting a weight loss plan and feeling better

I started the TRANSFORMS Fingolimod (now Gilenya) Phase III trial way back in August of 07, and one of the known side effects of the drug was a slight asthma-like breathing issue. While this wasn't necessarily a given that I would have that happen, they did say they were going to do a pulmonary function test every three months.

This frightened me, an admitted hypochondriac, into quitting smoking cold turkey on the 4th of July, 2007 prior to my entering the study.

Why mention all this? Well because up until that time the only times I had been overweight in my life were the two times I was pregnant with each of my boys. But that didn't really count. Not even the second time when it took more than a year to shed the "baby weight". 

Then I quit smoking and the gradual change happened. It happen SO gradually that it snuck right past me and packed the weight on my backside while I wasn't looking. Well, if I had looked down at my gut I may have noticed, but I was in denial... right up until I went shopping for a new bathing suit since we got season passes to Wild Waters in Silver Springs, FL. After forking out that kind of dough I am not ABOUT to not go due to having no suite.

I ended up having to get one that hid my rolls as best as could be expected. It's black with bright paint splatter pattern in hot pink, yellow, green, blue, etc... a sort of old lady's camo. And the bottoms are swimming shorts, no T-back for this rump. I wouldn't subject anyone to that.

So I'm realizing that quitting smoking was actually EASY compared to losing weight. My philosoply that has worked so far with smoking is, "just never do it again and you won't ever start back up."

I'm finding out food doesn't work like that. How cruel. I have to actually make a conscious choice every time I eat something. Is this the best choice? Do I really need to eat it or why am I eating it? Boredom or hunger?

I'm making a little headway and not back sliding much, but it's hard, and I"m not seeing instant results like I did when I quit smoking. My clothes aren't getting any tighter, but they certainly aren't noticably looser yet. 

I've had a couple spells where I wasn't able to get my next meal in a reasonable time period and I got hot, sweaty, shaky, and dizzy. Almost feeling like I was going to pass out. Eating something sweet or carb laden seemed to bring me right out of it.

I'm wondering if maybe I have made too many big changes in diet and fitness to suddenly for my 50yo body to handle.

Anyhow, at least I'm not contending with MS symptoms. What a great relief. I am STILL, after nearly 4 years on Gilenya, astounded every day that I have yet to relapse. I thank God I have a life now. Prior to the study I was suicidal and all consumed by the terrible symptoms that had zapped me of my will to go on.

Seems like I should be doing something meaningful with my time since I have been granted the precious gift of near normalcy... but right now I'm concentrating on trying to shoehorn myself in that bathing suit and not burst the seams when I'm going down the slides at the water park.

Sorry to say I'm not writing an everlasting piece of literature that will become a classic that endures time. And I"m not finding a cure for cancer.

I'm just trying to spend some quality time with my family and that is enough accomplishment for me. :)