Thursday, July 8, 2010

My Apologies

To all those suffering from MS who have it so much worse than I do.

As you can see from Kim's comment on my last post, I apparently complain a lot. For that I am truly sorry. I know there are many who suffer far worse than I, and I DO thank my lucky stars that Fingolimod has brought my EDSS from where I was using canes and occasionally a wheelchair and had gone from relapsing every 3 months to not having a relapse in 3 YEARS.

I didn't realize I was such a complainer. I have, right in the tagline of my blog, admitted to being a hypochondriac and I'm a 9.9 on the Worrier Scale, but I didn't realize "Complainer" was my other hat I wear.

I don't do it trying to disrespect anyone else who suffers far worse than I.

And if you mean because I posted about the "buzz" I was feeling in my groin, and you think that it's a slight MS symptom that is unworthy of my worry, mention or complaint, then I have GREAT NEWS for you! IT'S NOT an MS symptom.

I had the CT on Tuesday and yesterday, while trying to shake off the worry and hang out with a friend to watch Avatar, I get a call on my cell phone from my GYN's office. Haven't spoken to them in about a year....

Apparently my PCP called them to refer me due to whatever was seen on the CT.

I won't know what's going on until after 8:45 when I go see him.

When I hung up the phone I immediately puked.

So again, I do apologize to anyone with MS worse than what I have. I am sorry that I appear ungrateful for the mild case of the disease that I have been blessed to endure. And I'm sorry that I whine about whether or not I'll be able to afford this drug which has given me back my life.

As it turns out, I may not have to worry. They may just pull me out of the trial.

Sorry to sound crabby. I don't mean to lash out. I would hate to be in ICU/CCU for MS symptoms of have ports installed for delivery of medicine, or have my child not remember that I could ever walk...

I started this blog to give hope, relieve angst, abate fear, and to let the world know that if I, The Worry Queen, can do it (the trial), anyone can. I hope in some small way I have contributed something others with MS felt was worthy of their time spent reading it. If not, my apologies.

Just because the things I fear are not as bad as what others might live, doesn't mean I'm not going to worry. Maybe I'll just do it inside my own head from now on so you don't read it as complaining....

4 comments:

Lisa Emrich said...

Hang in there Jeri!! I personally appreciate the honesty with which you share many different aspects of your life, MS or not. Hopefully you get good news soon.

Maggie said...

I ♥ your blog, my fingo-buddy. Keep it real, I say. I personally don't think we can compare ourselves to anyone else, we are all on our own journeys. And not just those of us with MS, everybody. One of my fave quotes goes something along the lines of: 'Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet, because everyone is fighting some sort of battle.'
Hope there is no bad news for you from the doc. (But let's face it, you do always expect the worst :-) Hope that it is really nothing, nothing, NOTHING. And that, once again, you only need to worry about whose going to finance your gilenia when the time comes. Love you, you crazy fingo-head. And don't you stop making us all laugh at your antics. We don't mind the odd complaint ;-)

Maggie said...

I ♥ your blog, my fingo-buddy. Keep it real, I say!

Lorraine said...

I feel so bad for everyone who has MS but you're not on here to sugar-coat anything or keep things to yourself. You're posting just as you have the entire time you've been blogging and to change now would be counter-productive to the reason you started it. It's your Blog, say what you want. I'm sorry there are people worse off than you but that doesn't mean you have to be as bad off as them to be able to complain.